Archive of UserLand's first discussion group, started October 5, 1998.

Re: Gentlemen start your clocks

Author:Jeremy Bowers
Posted:8/31/1999; 11:06:19 AM
Topic:Gentlemen start your clocks
Msg #:10327 (In response to 10304)
Prev/Next:10326 / 10328

He will announce nothing. Deep inside Apple's Research facility, those entrusted with Apple's very survival have developed the one piece of hardware that will ensure Apple's success for years to come, and it's not for the consumers at all. It's for Steve Jobs... the Patent Pending Steve Jobs Reality Distortion Field Enhancer.

He will actually just stand on the stage, wait until the audience is quiet and quivering in anticipation (maximum receptivity), quietly say "I think you will all like this." and flip the switch. Within minutes, the entire city will fall under control of Steve Jobs and reality will begin to distort.

It will take a while to reach full power and affect the whole globe, so, if in the middle of that programming project you've been fighting with for the last 39 days, your non-Apple computer begins to shimmer and fade out, don't be surprised. Of course, you won't be. You'll actually feel relief, as you will then be within the distortion field. (And for the 95% of the population who is most susceptible, you'll feel compelled to run out immediately and buy the most powerful Mac you can afford. Unfortunately, as a computer professional reading this, you are almost certainly in that 95%, even if you already own a Mac.)

Or did this already happen.....? Hard to know, hard to know...

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