Archive of UserLand's first discussion group, started October 5, 1998.

Creating Reality (was: Re: Being taken seriously.)

Author:Susan Kitchens
Posted:9/11/2000; 7:05:26 PM
Topic:fork
Msg #:21216 (In response to 21191)
Prev/Next:21215 / 21217

David, the next step down that path is to realize that the need for recognition from others is all projection, that the only kind of recognition that really is satisfying is recognition from yourself.

So when Joe says "Jane never listens to me!" what he's really saying is that the version of Jane inside himself never listens to him, which is another way of saying that Joe doesn't listen to Joe.

Great stuff here! It's in concert with a tendril of thought that's been twining its way into my consciousness over the last year ir year and a half. In short form, the statement goes, "You create your own reality." Taken on its own, the statement might sound like new-agey hocum, accompanied with a faint nausea.

But when unpacked a bit, there's a lot to it: My expectations and perceptions of a situation end up driving that situation's outcome. If I'm on the lookout for rejection, then I'll start acting rejected almost from the word go, and my actions serve to underscore something where, in fact, the other person does reject me. If I could be at all objective about it, I'd prolly say "well, DUH!" But not being objective, this is the way I act: "Oh, you don't need to reject me! I've already rejected me for you!"

Looking at that situation again, what are the things I'm seeing that I'm interpreting as rejection? Is it my own voice that says, "Oh, JohnDoe is probably rejecting me, damn" and then I start pulling inside and protecting myself and puttin' those walls up... and lo! when I act like that, well, I make it easy for JohnDoe to reject me!

I've slowed down some, zoomed in on the thoughts I have in a given situation.

Now, those statements may describe the Reality in my Head, but that may not correspond to Reality In the World. (note: I don't know if Reality In The World is a knowable thing, but let's assume for the sake of discussion that it is.) JohnDoe may have looked down momentarily because his left contact lens is bothering him slightly. JohnDoe may have looked down because he saw something dazzlingly brilliant in me, and he needed to pause for a moment. I dunno.

I picture this situation response as nerve endings (a literal stimulus response system). Nerve endings have an actual gap between them--the synapse. At those occasional times I'm conscious of it, I try to take a little Fantastic Voyage and let myself get small enough to slip inside of the synapse. Once I'm dwelling in the synapse, it seems quite roomy. In that cozy little emptiness, I make my choice about whether I look at the situation from (in this case) the assumption that "I am accepted" or "I am rejected."

And.. in all the prattle that takes place in my brain, I have the most say on a situation by what I tell myself going in... "Yes JaneDoe is cool and all, and I respect her and when she gets to know me, she'll respect me too. Won't this be fun!"

Susan

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