Archive of UserLand's first discussion group, started October 5, 1998.
Re: Parents who feed their crying babies
Author: W. Ian Blanton Posted: 11/25/1998; 12:19:45 PM Topic: Testing a new feature. Msg #: 508 (In response to 495) Prev/Next: 507 / 509
I didn't want to ad to thread, as I knew I would make it too long, until you posted this on the front page, Dave:"These must be people whose parents fed them whenever they screamed when they were babies"
I think the more accurate comment would be:
"These must be people whose parents _ignored_ them whenever they screamed when they were babies"
If a baby (and by baby, I mean under 1 year) is crying, something is wrong, IMO.
My daughter (now 10 months old) rarely cries anymore. She starts off with light "hooting" noises (very cute), which get louder if we don't respond within a "usual" amount of time, to calls, to "let's go find a parent" movement or crying before she was mobile.
Did we "coddle" her? Damn straight. It's called "attatchment" parenting, and it included stuff for us like carrying her everywhere, no strollers, etc.
What did we get out of it? A very relaxed, happy, baby. She's relaxed around strangers, new environments, noise, light, etc.. In fact, even when _I_ think she's being fussy, as she was at a Boston Macintosh meeting a few months ago, people gush over how relaxed and alert and happy she seems to be.
I don't think that you satisfy a need by ignoring it. And as people get older, they start mixing up "wants" and "needs". If they were ignored for their "needs" they're going to be pretty strident about their "wants", giving them much higher priority than they warrant.
Hopefully, what we're doing with our daughter will help her be as relaxed about her wants (OS or not :)) as she currently is with her needs, expecting us to do something about them, but not immediately screaming about them because it's the _only way_ to get action. After all, "doing something" about her needs is part of our jobs as parents, no?
In the face of making this letter longer, I'll tie this to the "technology thread". Maybe People who were ignored as children have to ramp up their demands to the highest level just to get anything.
Maybe it's Same-o-same-o with the people who spew vitriol about other people's opinions and actions, they want something done about it so they respond with maximum force, the only thing that "gets it taken care of".
Perhaps if they'd had their needs met they wouldn't feel these things were such immediate "life and death" issues, they'd be willing to try and shape opinions, rather than repress and flame them.
Nah, childhood can't be that important a developmental time...:) My apologies to everyone on how long this is, as a new parent myself, I'm amazed sometimes at how passionate about it I find myself to be. I guess that's the way it's supposed to be. :)
-Ian
Disclaimer: I'm not being judgemental or making comments about how ANYone else raises their kids, that's _their_ responsibility, I'm just relating what _I_ think is the right way for us, in the hopes that it has some relevance.
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